Let's walk you through some important facts about Premarital counseling before you finalize your wedding card.
Marriage on the cards? Congratulations on your sweet experience ahead! We know there are a lot of trepidations and concerns going on in your mind at this hour. Trust us, you are not alone. Every single person, before embarking on this beautiful journey of life, endures these emotions. Yes, you heard it right! This is indeed a wonderful episode of your life, but to make it amazing, you will need to do a few small things. You guessed it right! We are talking about Premarital counseling before your marriage which can immensely transform your perception towards this event of life since in modern days, we all are independent and thus have different discernment towards marriage and its afterlife. For such a wonderful event in life, isn't Premarital counseling a very small yet worth one to take up? Let's walk you through some important facts about Premarital counseling before you finalize your wedding card.
Curious about premarital counseling? Well, when it comes to marriage, no question is really off-limits. You and your partner are probably on the same page. So, think of it in this way: The more you get into Premarital Counseling, the smoother will be your walk down the aisle.
Premarital counseling in India is a kind of therapy where the couple is asked questions to deep dive and revisit the impressions they have built about marriage before even tying the knot. According to the Journal of Family Psychology, those who went through premarital counseling have survived their marriage better than others. They have a 30% less chance of separation in the coming 5 years after discussing different premarital counseling topics.
Pre-marital counselors talk at length and in deep with both of you to understand both of you in ways you wouldn't have discovered yet. The role of a pre-marital counselor is to:
Both of you might have a marriage blueprint in your mind about how the marriage should be. However, both of your expectations might be different from each other. Your beliefs and ideas might be different and your partner might not be vocal about those. This is where the pre-marriage counselor steps in to help you come to a middle path concerning marital expectations.
How do you plan to split your marriage expenses? Will it be a 50-50 split or will it be proportional to your income? How do you plan to invest and spend? A pre-marriage counselor's role is to help you with such things. The counselor during premarital counseling will help you have a conducive financial relationship post-marriage without bearing undue stress.
This is a very important role of premarital counseling online where both of you need to play significant roles in families. How will you do the cooking and other daily errands? How will you take care of your in-laws? You need to be very clear about such standpoints while coming to a middle ground. Talk to a counselor to have better clarity of such things in life during your premarital counseling.
An unspoken topic this is, but do not shy away from talking about it to the counselor. A pre-marriage counselor's role is to help you talk about intimate relationships with each other. To have a happy sexual life post marriage, you both need to convey each other's needs and desires.
You might have garnered a lot of wrong beliefs in you owing to different circumstances and experiences. These might have affected your perception even subconsciously. A couples counseling before marriage will let you dig deep into such opinions and beliefs. His role is to help you with the right ideas about marriage so that you don't have any wrong discernments about the past, present, or future.
Online Pre marriage counseling boasts of several benefits for the couple before getting hitched and yes, it can prevent separation.
It's completely natural for you to get emotional while you discuss marital topics like sex, money or kids, or other responsibilities. While an experienced counselor asks you a lot of mind-boggling questions, he can guide your conversation and direct you towards the right path during online pre marriage counseling. You and your partner will not go off the tangent with the guidance of a counselor.
It's a pre-marital counselor who can help both of you in understanding each other. You guys can speak properly while conveying your thoughts to a neutral party. Thus, this sort of Premarital Counseling is inevitable for you to have better communication among both. Couples gain communication skills and compassion which will get them through any tough times ahead.
Premarital counselors do not just talk through the issues at present and past. Premarital Counseling helps you actively plan your future. Talk about any goals associated with marriage like family planning, financial or any other interdependency, the therapists will help you accomplish such. The counseling will help you accomplish healthy goals in your relationship and let you set the right expectations for married life.
Yes, in any relationship in this world to sustain beautifully, adroitness is the key. How to solve the possible conflicts in your marital life? Don't be terrified thinking about any conflicts post-marriage since disagreements are a part of life when two people stay together. So, that's completely fine. The Premarital Counseling will help you learn such skills to resolve conflict.
At present, both of you might be all sorted and very curious to know about each other. However, there might be things in your mind which you feel or believe can lead to potential problems in the future. Some of such odds-on can be values and beliefs, career expectations, lifestyle and etiquettes, planning of kids (if it’s right after marriage or after a few years), if you should go for surrogacy, or pregnancy or adoption. Talking to a pre-marriage therapist will help you identify such plausible areas of incongruities.
Are you from a dysfunctional family where fighting has been the norm? If you are from a divorced background, Premarital Counseling is a must for you. It teaches you how to break this karmic cycle and be at peace with your past.
It's time to clear the air filled with toxic resentments you might have been holding to date. Discussing such issues with a counselor will help you steer clear of such apathies and free yourself so that such issues do not damage your marriage in the future.
Truly enough, a counselor goes so deep while conversing with both of you that in the process you end up discovering a lot of new things about each other. Premarital counselors can help you bring out some important information about your partner which you might otherwise have known.
Well, you might be having a high heartbeat per minute while you are there in the lobby waiting for your name to be called in. Before you head for Premarital Counseling, it's wise for you to know how the steps will be when you are inside.
You will be asked to introduce yourselves since the counsellor will want to know all about you. Both of you will be given a set of questions and asked to answer either verbally or on paper. This will help your counselor to assess your perspective towards marriage. You will be asked on various topics like religion, spirituality, equality, liberalization, nuclear families, kids, stress, and strain of daily life, bearing responsibility, and more.
Here are some of the handy pointers you might want to remember for pre-marital couple counseling.
1. Role plays of both of you after marriage in setting the right balance
2. Financial responsibilities
3. Past experiences and present difficulties
4. Future expectations
5. Responsibilities towards families
6. Plans for kid
7. Plans for work-life balance
8. Working out the relation in case you are in a long-distance marriage
9. Your opinions and judgments towards a marriage
10. Communication between both of you
11. Values and beliefs
12. Decision making
13. Sex and intimacy
15. Communication with other family members
Premarital counseling sessions are a great opportunity to overcome common misconceptions and learn to expect the right things from marriage. Such sessions will help you reduce your anxiety, stress, arguments, and unrealistic expectations. Well, stop worrying and check the below ways in which you can make the most out of such sessions:
1. Stop worrying
You might be worried thinking that there are a lot of things about each other that will unfold during such sessions. There might be a lot of preconceptions about an ideal marriage. You might be skeptical to attend pre-marital couple counseling because of such fears of learning a lot that you didn't know before deciding to get married. But, trust us, this is the only best way you can pull the unnecessary weeds out of your life.
2. Be prepared for the time you are going to invest
Yes, pre-marital sessions can be long enough and can be a strain on your schedule. However, be appreciative of the time spent and acknowledge that this is one of the precious things happening in your life pre-marriage. It's a wonderful investment you both can do together.
3. Understand the reason to join the session
Please talk among yourselves before booking an appointment for the premarital couple therapy session. You need to be clear about the important topics you want to discuss here.
4. Understand that the topics might be challenging
Some topics for discussion might be challenging enough since counselors will bring out a lot of hidden talks on the surface. But trust that this will clear the air.
5. Be ready to hear what you don't want to
There might be discussions that will spark arguments that you might want to avoid. However, this is not the time to avoid anything. Be open and talk about everything.
6. Don't discuss your sessions with other couples
Keep your sessions intimate between you and your counselor. Each of the relationship spaces is different and unique and you will completely ruin your space discussing it with other couples.
7. Maintain trust
Don't break the trust you have in your partner with any discussions which happen in the sessions.
8. Keep negative emotions out
If you didn't feel anything that your partner spoke about during the session, don't take it out on him since that will make him go silent. It will reduce the trust between you two. Wait for the next session to resolve it most positively.
9. Don't try to overpower your partner
This isn't a competition between you two. Remove your ego to move to a higher self and don't try to get into any sort of competition with your partner.
10. Express your love in the best possible way
Love is an amalgamation of expressions, feelings, words, and actions. Make sure you appreciate your partner and convey your love most amazingly. Keep it that way. This will create a very strong foundation for your marriage and help it fortify.
You might be wondering about how long the couples premarital counseling sessions will go and how many sessions do you need to attend to plan your daily work schedule. Well, in general, sessions are usually 60 minutes long. Couples, in general, attend around 6 to 8 sessions before marriage, but it is completely dependent on your specific case. Each relationship is unique in its way and you might need more or fewer sessions depending on the situation. If you plan to go individually for the counseling, you might have to attend 10-12 sessions. Usually, the sessions go on for around 6 months before marriage.
Time to face it dear couple! Marriage is not a fairy tale penned in stories. A lot of planning is required and multiple topics need attention. Luckily, premarital counseling helps you overcome the stressors between you and build a solid foundation. Here are some of the questions you will need to answer in couples pre marriage counseling sessions:
1. Why do you want to get married to your partner? What's so special about him?
This is a question that will sail you through the tough times with your partner. When everything fails, your appreciation for your partner will always remain. Trust and belief in your partner are something that will keep your marriage afloat.
2. How will you handle your families?
You need to learn to make ties with your extended families. How you deal with it is the key to marriage.
3. How do you feel about having kids?
Both of you need to be on the same page before marriage regarding kids so that there is no chaos in your relationship later on.
4. How do you look at physical intimacy?
It is a difficult talk between a couple in front of a third party, but this is important to discuss before marriage.
5. How do you see spirituality and religiousness in marriage
You need to understand that religiousness is about rituals. Spirituality is something that will keep you alive and thus keep the relationship lively.
6. How will you split your finances?
How will you split your finances?
7. How will you resolve conflicts?
It is about keeping calm when the other one is on top of his nerves. This isn't just a question, but a realization.
Ideally, you should start with such sessions at least 3-6 months before marriage. This will help you release any stress built up before marriage or during premarital counseling sessions. Well, you can go in for such sessions as soon as you make up your mind about marriage.
In your sessions with your pre-marriage couple sessions, your counselor will want to know all about it. Knowing is the key to understanding you and helping you deal with your mental blockages about marriage and your partner. The counselor might want to know how you got to know each other, what’s the story behind your relationship, why you want to get married, and so on. You can expect a very patient hearing to all your perceptions, opinions, and beliefs about yourself, your partner, and your marriage.
You can expect mental healing from all blockages to look towards marriage brightly. You will be helped to deal with negative emotions and trauma related to marriage. You will be helped with setting the right expectations.
Couples’ counsellor, registered family therapists and licensed marriage therapists are the ones offering premarital counseling. Premarital counseling is all about understanding and dealing with mental health, psychology and spirituality. We, at Mental Strength Professionals and Energy Healing Professionals, are a trained team of counsellors/therapists/coaches with years of experience in this domain offering online premarital counseling.
Our adept couple counsellors show you the right way to grow your relationship post marriage. The joint counseling sessions at MSP (Mental Strength Professional) help you in reaping all the benefits of a pre-marital counseling including discussing your differences, avoiding blame game, learning better communication and analytical skills needed to sustain a happy marriage. Dr. Paras, a world-class ICF certified coach with multiple accolades, leads a team of best-trained professionals to help you develop mental toughness.
Thank you for reading this article. Connect with us at Mental Strength Professional for pre-marital counseling. Experience a wonderful married life with ample abundance! For any queries, write to us at [email protected].
1. How soon before the wedding should I get premarital counseling?
You can go within 3-6 months before your marriage depending upon how compatible you are in terms of understanding towards each other.
2. Is pre marriage counseling worth it?
Of Course it is! There is no question about it. You will feel a completely new perspective towards marriage, towards your partner and about yourself after the counseling.
3. What does pre marriage counseling consist of?
It consists of a set of questions which you need to answer through which the counsellor will assess everything about you and your partner. It is a form of therapy.
4. What questions do they ask in pre marriage counseling?
You will be asked questions about your beliefs, opinions towards marriage, your past life memories, present conflicts with your partner, why you want to get married to your partner, your thoughts about families, kids, responsibilities, finances, etc.